What Do You Want from a Sub?

Everyone has a different idea of the perfect submissive. (Thank heaven — otherwise there would be a stampede in the direction of one or two, and everyone else would be wretched.) I’m curious as to which of the various qualities and behaviors are most important to you — and why.

Here are some possibilities:

any others?

My idea of service is relatively limited. Getting me tea when I ask for it — that’s a large percentage. Picking up library books, say. Those are things I might do for a sub who was tired or over-stressed, though then it wouldn’t be service, it would be nurturing, and done from a Domme perspective.

Obedience is important, but it has never been a big issue — I expect to get it, my subs expect to give it, and I don’t play resistance games. You wanna be forced, find someone else.

Masochism is nice. I’m a sadist, and I do love playing with someone who gets off on the pain I love to dish out. On the other hand, I also need to give bad pain occasionally, to push hard, to test the quality that is most important to me: Surrender.

What I want from a sub (male or female — I’ve had both) is not pampering or obeying my lightest wish, but something considerably harder to define — surrender. I want to be able to play with my sub like a toy — touch, tease, hurt, fuck, taste, do anything I want, when I want it. I want to be able to evoke fear and ecstasy.

Likewise, I want to get to know all the sub’s deepest inner emotional buttons, and I want to be able to work with those buttons. To push a sub hard, emotionally and physically. To gain their love and loyalty and surrender. I want to probe my sub’s inner self, to discover all the secrets, and to love their pain and shame. As my sub surrenders, I can further and further explore these depths.

Building that kind of trust takes time and love. The sub and I need to be on the same emotional wavelength. But to me it’s incredibly satisfying. Service is fine, obedience is cool, and I looooove playing hard — but to me, that’s not what matters most.

So what matters most to you? What do you like?

1 comment for “What Do You Want from a Sub?

  1. February 4, 2003 at 8:40 am

    Reply #1

    Okay, so i’m not actually answering the question from the point of view it was asked. *grins* But i had an itch to chime in anyways.

    Qualities i aspire to have and work on having. {not in any particular order}

    1. Honesty. Not only with Master but with myself as well. Purity of heart and thoughts to be able to distinguish what even i may deceive myself with. By that i mean that sometimes i may perceive something as a need. But if i evaluate it honestly it is not as much a need as a want. Honesty ties in closely with truth so i won’t do a seperate one on that.

    2. Respect. Not only to respect Him but to have self-respect. To be able to properly convey that respect at all times. Not only in my actions but in my tone of voice and all that i do if He is present or not.

    3. Communications. This is one i constantly work on. Communicating my thoughts to Him in a clear and concise manner. At the same time also being mindful that the way i state it or my tone of voice is not demanding. As well as keeping in mind that i may offer other alternatives that He may not have thought of but do so in a manner where i am only doing just that … offering a bit of information. Instead of saying, “we can get there quicker if you just stop and look at the map.” i would choose to say instead, “can i look at the map and see where we are vs where we are going please Sir?” Communications involves many things, these are but just a few.

    4. Self Improvement. To constantly strive to better myself and my service to Him. As well as discuss these things with Him so He can decide if it is a course i should choose to act up, if it’s something He chooses to guide me along the path to, if He recommends a way to go about it or if He decides it’s something He’d prefer i not do.

    5. Obedience. To be able to obey His choices even when my initial reaction is to resist. To be able to communicate the reasons for my feelings against it and still know that He has taken that into account before expecting me to do said action{s}. And to be able to complete said tasks happily.

    6. Service. i enjoy mundane to detailed. The more challenging the task the more i thrive. So for me it’s trying to learn how to have the same enjoyment for the smaller tasks as well. Because He appreciates the smaller tasks as much as the larger tasks.

    7. Patience. This one is my personal biggie. i tend to have far more patience with others than with myself. Except when driving, then i have no patience for stupid drivers or slow pokes in my way. But i’m better now that i was before. So this one is still one i have to work on especially hard.

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