Are you a friend of Jay W?

A Quiz for Perverts

With respect and apologies to all 12-step groups everywhere…

Could *you* be a friend of Jay W? Take this simple test and find out!

1. Do you lose time from working due to SM? (extra points if you’ve quit your job to avoid this)

2. Is playing too little making your home life unhappy? Do you find that you have trouble housing all your slaves, and still have this problem?

3. Has shyness ever made it difficult for you to find more than your requisite dozen play partners?

4. Is SM affecting your reputation? Do people refer to you as “Hey, there goes that S/M guy”?

5. Have you ever felt remorse for having turned down an opportunity to play? (extra points if you’ve *never* turned down an opportunity)

6. Have you ever had financial difficulties as a result of buying too many toys?

7. Do you hang around with too many Mensans?

8. Do you obsess about the safety of your partners?

9. Has your desire to maintain a totally pristine vanilla appearance decreased since you discovered SM? Have you ever considered leading a campaign to eliminate “vanilla” from Baskin-Robbins’ freezers?

10. Do you crave SM any time of the day or night?

11. Do you want more SM right after playing?

12. Do your SM desires cause you to have difficulty sleeping? Even after you take the clamps off?

13. Does your family doctor ask routinely about the calluses on your knees?

14. Is SM jeopardizing your job or business? Has SM *become* your job or business?

15. Do you do SM to escape from worries or trouble? Do you generate your own troubles so you have something from which to escape?

16. Do you do SM alone? Have you ever been listed on a police coroner’s blotter?

17. Have you ever had a loss of memory as a result of SM? How many times did you use that excuse to get your partner to repeat *exactly* that same scene?

18. Has your physician ever treated you for the results of SM play? Did he look jealous? Did he make suggestions?

19. Do you wear a 25-pound policeman’s belt full of floggers to build up your self-confidence?

20. Have you ever been to a hospital or other institution on account of SM? Would you like to?

If you have answered “yes” to any of these questions, there is a definite possibility that you are a pervert. If you have answered “yes” to any two, the chances are that you are a pervert. If you have answered “yes” to three or more, then you are definitely a pervert. But there *is* help for all you “Friends of Jay W.”!


Rarely have we seen a person remain vanilla who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not become happy perverts are those who cannot or will not give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who have been so thoroughly programmed by vanilla society that they are hopelessly vanilla. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living that includes ten-minute orgasms twice a day. Their chances of happy pervertedness are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and physical disorders, but many of them can become happy perverts if they have the capacity to negotiate for their desires.

Our stories disclose in a general way what we were like, how we discovered our pervertedness, and what we are like now. If you have decided that you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are willing to take certain steps.

At some of these we cringed. We thought we could find an easier, softer flogger. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and dominating from the very start, if only to satisfy the submissives around you. Some of us tried to hold onto our old feelings of YKINOK [your kink is not OK], and the result was nil until we completely and consensually let go.

Remember that we’re dealing with sex–cunning, baffling, powerful, and *hot*. Without help it is sometimes sad and lonely. But there is One who has all power–that one is the True Dominant. May you find him now!

Half measures availed us nothing. Half a spanking left us walking funny.

Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program for developing one’s pervertedness:

1. We admitted that we wanted to be tied up, whipped and fucked; that our sex lives had become unmanageably dull.

2. Came to believe that the right dominant or submissive could restore us to our turn-on.

3. Made a decision to find the one with the perfect kink for us, and entrust them with our will, our power, and our best efforts to please.

4. Made a searching and fearless inventory of all our safety equipment.

5. Admitted to our partner, ourselves, and to Jay that we’d never done a lot of this stuff before.

6. Were entirely ready to sign up for the all-perv First Aid/CPR class, the Janus orientation, and SSBB. [the newsgroup soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm]

7. Humbly apologized for posting personals to SSBB.

8. Made a list of all those we’d like to top or bottom to, and became willing to negotiate with them all.

9. Negotiated face-to-face with such people whenever possible, except when they preferred cyber.

10. Continued to take inventory of our safety equipment and toybag, and when our fire extinguisher was out of date promptly had it recharged.

11. Sought through posturing and hinting to improve our contact with other perverts, and apologizing whenever it was premature and nonconsensual, renegotiating as necessary.

12. Having had a personal, spiritual, and sexual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry the message to those outside our communities, and to prevent the vanilla world from totally taking over.

Many of us exclaimed, “What an adventure! I can’t get enough!” Do not be frustrated, unless that is your kink. No one among us has never had a bad scene. We are not saints, we’re sadists. The point is that we are willing to grow and develop our sexualities along exciting and challenging lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim enthusiasm for sexual progress, rather than sexual One True Wayism.

Our description of the pervert, SM101, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:

(a) That we were perverts, and didn’t much want to change that happy fact.

(b) That probably no human power could change us, thank Ghu.

(c) That a qualified partner could certainly help, and would if he or she were sought.


I confess — I am a friend of Jay W, in both senses. And I swiped this from his Web page on AOL. If you’re interested in his books (which are excellent), check them out at Greenery Press.

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