Polyamory
TRUE POLYAMORY TALES: It’s Not Exactly Like “Big Love”
Author Lorelei
My femsub: Imagine a house full of women all on the same hormonal cycle.
Gay friend: Ah, I see.
My femsub: At least one is weepy, one is cranky, and one is exhausted. We take turns as to which is which, and sometimes we double up.
Gay friend: You only need four more dwarves?
My femsub: Weepy, Cranky, Exhausted, Ballistic, Neurotic, Dissociative, and Dangerous?
Me: I’ll take several with a side of fries. And chocolate.
Hot Bi Babes and Other Unicorns
Author Lorelei
The next time someone invites you to make a third in their marriage, or tells you that they’ve been looking for a hot bi babe to date both husband and wife, smile sweetly and hand them the polyamorous secondary relationship card by Edward Martin and Franklin Veaux.
On the back, you can add these possibilities:
- I will be dumped if I give better head than a primary partner.
- I will be dumped if I refuse to participate in bukkake/anal sex/golden showers/Roman showers/needleplay/other sexual activity one primary partner craves and the other abhors. (“But why else did we want to include you?”)
- I will be dumped if I ask for jealously reserved sexual rights, such as sleepovers, penis-in-vagina sex, or orgasms.
- I will be dumped if I have other plans on Saturday night.
- I will be dumped if I refuse to recruit my attractive younger friends for sex parties.
- I will be dumped if I get upset when important decisions are made without consulting or informing me. (“Of course you can still visit as often as you want, but you’ll find that the plane fare to Irkutsk, Siberia, may be a little steep.”)
Polyamorous relationships have been wonderful for me, and I’m a hot bi babe. Well, bisexual. But I have also seen plenty of committed couples who can’t understand why they can’t find or keep a secondary partner, when it’s obvious that they rank their secondary partner somewhere below the family dog in emotional priority.
Want to maintain a strong, positive, loving relationship with a secondary partner? Treat them like they’re an adult human, not a sex toy.
The Official Poly Lovers’ Gift List
Author Lorelei
Each year the Polyarchy — the secret cabal of experts who rule the sexual underground — tries to simplify the lives of up-to-date polyfolk by designing new relationship agreements and requirements, determining what behavior is healthy and what is unhealthy, and setting appropriate and unbreakable boundaries for consensually non-monogamous behavior. Next year’s rules will differ, but, as you know, times change, and last year’s avant-garde is next year’s obsolete.
Under the influence of Mad Men and their bibulous ways, 2010 has been declared the Year of the Beverage. Check this list for the appropriate gift given the length, intensity, and health of the relationship.
One hour to 6 days: glass bottle of sparkling water (plastic is verboten, as it shows minimal environmental sensitivity; warm temperature is acceptable, especially if you enjoy watching seltzer explode all over your partner). Providing a glass and ice cubes shows a willingness to extend the relationship, but a slice of lemon may seem too pushy.
1 week to 20 days: Liter bottle of sparkling water, preferably in cobalt-blue glass. Must be chilled but not frozen. Splitting it by way of two straws shows an arch playfulness masking greed and cheapness.
3 weeks to 6 weeks: Beer by the glass or six-pack is the best choice for this difficult interim period. Microbrews indicate hipness, and many carry amusingly weird names that can send a message to the recipient — the alcoholic version of conversation hearts. Expect knowing smiles in return for Polygamy Porter, and snarled recriminations from Arrogant Bastard or Buttface Amber Ale. When you want to give your beloved a sexual hint, try Golden Shower or In Heat Wheat. Colt 45 is widely considered a preface to restraining orders.
6 weeks to 6 months: Low-priced wine or soda may replace the beer. Two-Buck Chuck indicates a casual relationship. Chardonnay and White Zinfandel reveal shallow, status-based relationships with people whose internal clock stopped sometime during the Reagan era. An Australian Petit Syrah invites the recipient to “climb into my pouch,” or move in. Wine from the former Yugoslavia is an excellent choice, as nobody knows whether it’s supposed to be good or bad. Choosing soda indicates that you and/or your partner are alcoholics, on probation, or jailbait. Embracing the “and” in this situation could become messy.
Beyond 6 months: Casual relationships demand consumables: Blended scotch, martinis, schnapps, liqueurs, and flavored vodkas all come into play. Expense and bottle size indicate the giver’s intentions. A half-pint flask of Popov vodka or Old Crow predicts a brief and regrettable relationship. Gallon jugs of gin, Long Island Iced Tea, or spiced rum promise longer but stormy entanglements.
Secondary partners should be given barware, such as crystal glasses, cocktail shakers, and decanters, all of which must be smashed or returned when the secondary becomes too demanding. Primary partners may be given top-shelf liquors such as 40-year-old single-malt scotch, but only if they promise to share.
Special for the Hot Bi Babe you made a pass at: Unicorn Winery’s Slightly Embarrassed for a failed pass, Traminette for a successful one.
We hope this list will make your holiday shopping simpler. Why worry about your individual partners’ needs, tastes, and interests, when you can consult this handy gift guide?
Incidentally, Mistress Lorelei is always open to gifts of good single-malt Scotch, aged Wild Turkey, and such fine liqueurs as Chambord, Creme Yvette Violet Liqueur, and Bailey’s Irish Cream.
Y2Gay
Author Lorelei
Y2Gay: the database engineering perspective on same-sex and polyamorous marriage.
Yes, it’s funny. But it’s also a fascinating practical issue, and the solutions presented seem eminently doable to me.Study on Multiply Partnered People
Author Lorelei
Polyamory/Multi-Partnered Research Study (cross-posted; please cross-post it yourself!)
Have you ever been in romantic and/or sexual relationships with two or more people at the same time?
Were these relationships consensual among all parties, with each partner aware that you were in multiple intimate relationships?
Did at least one of these relationships last one (1) year or longer?
Do you have a workable knowledge of written English?
If you answered yes to these questions, you are invited to share your experiences by participating in research on polyamory and those who choose to openly and consensually partner with multiple people simultaneously. If you and anyone you know who is multiply partnered wish to contribute to this study, please go to the secure research website or click on the link below to complete the on-line confidential, brief (15 minute) survey.
http://spiritualpolyamory.questionpro.com
The researcher, Akhila E. A. Kolesar, is a doctoral student at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology in Palo Alto, California. She may be reached at polyresearcher@yahoo.com or 1-877-433-5143.
So Much Better than Brazilian Wax
Author Lorelei
I had big plans for tonight, involving the Boytoy, Karen, the Citadel, a series of canes, and half a dozen floggers. Unfortunately, I have been sick with strep, so I’m spending my days and nights sleeping, taking antibiotics, drinking chicken soup, and feeling listless.
I did get a little play tonight of a much less strenuous kind. Sometimes a subtle scene can be even more erotic than a big, savage Domme-aerobics lashfest.
Now, one of the complexities of poly BDSM is dealing with conflicting interests. Generally Redmage and I don’t have problems with that; our interests dovetail beautifully. He does elaborate and beautiful rope bondage and electroplay. I do fisting and vampire gloves. We both play with knives, but I’m the one who draws blood. We both play with canes, floggers, and paddles, but he’s the one with the awe-inspiring flogging stance and collection of custom floggers.
However, we do have a difference of opinion whether Karen looks better shaved or with her own luxuriant bush. This could be a source of conflict, but instead it has become a source of delight for me. Although I love pubic hair, I also really love doing shaving scenes. So we compromise. When she is shaved, I get to do the shaving. In between, she lets it grow, and I enjoy her thick curly chevelure.
Tonight Karen needed to shave; tomorrow she and Redmage are off to a play party. (Where I would be going if I were going out.) So I told her to prepare the necessities: a razor with a fresh blade, shaving cream, a basin of warm water, several towels, a washcloth, and damned good lighting, since the careful Domme does not trim a sub’s clit along with her bush.
Karen lay naked, legs spread, waiting for me. No bondage needed. She looked up at me as I made my preparations and laughed. “It’s that mad scientist look!”
Well, of course. First I soaked the washcloth in the warm water and spread it across her lushly furred crotch. Naturally, I had to stroke and touch and massage her mons veneris. It’s not necessary for the shaving, but it’s absolutely required by my pleasure. Much of the joy of Dommeing for me is in getting to play with my sub in any way I choose.
When her hair was thoroughly wet and soft, I spread a generous amount of shaving gel on my hands and rubbed them over her crotch, being careful to keep to the outside. Then, the pleasures and perils of the blade, stroking away the curls and leaving rosy, naked flesh.
Just think how erotic: a naked woman, lying surrendered and open to my touch, holding helplessly still as I caress her cunt with a sharp blade. Her breathless expectancy, her shapely legs spread as she offers up her cunt to me, the tender folds of her pussy gleaming beneath the rich lather and the damp curls — all while I slowly, carefully touch and stretch and shave every fold.
It’s a long, careful process, and the blade has to be rinsed often, but eventually I had done the first pass and was ready for the next. One more layer of shaving gel. This time the razor glided smoothly over her bare skin.
Now her cunt lay utterly bare and open, like a strawberry sliced in half. No hiding the full clit, the voluptuous inner lips, the three rings that pierce her. Soon it will be veiled again by dark curls, its folds and secrets open only to the probing tongue or hand. Then I can start the cycle over again.
Bi and Poly
Author Lorelei
Can someone bi and poly live monogamously? A friend of mine is looking for experiences and viewpoints on the issue now.
I’ve always been bisexual; my first-grade crushes were a girl called Robin and a boy called Stephen. Perhaps because my model of loving relationships wasn’t based on a tight mother-infant bond, but on the looser but no less powerful association of sisters, I was polyamorous before the term was coined.
Nevertheless, I was monogamously involved with my husband from 1984 (when we started dating) until 1999, when we became polyamorous by agreement. (We had been discussing the issue for the whole 15 years). When we met, I was in my mid-20s, and I had been romantically and sexually involved with both men and women. For years.
It is possible for someone innately bi and innately poly to live a monogamous life, but for me the monogamy had certain effects. For one thing, my imagination became completely lesbian. Lesbian sexual dreams, for example. I kept writing lesbian characters into my fiction; I even tried to sneak a lesbian schoolgirl crush into a Regency romance. (It was excised.) I found myself aching for women’s voices, women’s touch. I did of course still get crushes – mostly with women – even though I refused to do anything about them. And I had a few very close friendships with women that did not cross the line.
These days, when I’m sexually active only with a woman, I’m discovering that the same things are occurring in the other direction. I’m having erotic dreams about men. I’ve been craving involvement with a man. So far haven’t had more than an occasional play date, which is not the same thing as having full-out sex with someone. (I’ve stayed fully dressed on these play dates.) Part of me just wants a guy to hold for a long time, part of me wants to fuck a man, part of me wants a guysub.
I’m not sure I am ready for that – I’m still working out the scars of my marriage. But someday I hope I can find a lovely guy, whether for a secondary relationship or to bring into the family as a primary.