Is there such a thing as a normal woman fetish?
Sadly, my unending lust for women in their natural state is in fact considered a special interest now, if not exactly a fetish. By “natural state” I don’t mean naked, although naked is good. I mean that their noses, lips, breasts, bellies, and pussies haven’t been sliced, suctioned, trimmed, stuffed, and otherwise remodeled by a plastic surgeon. I also prefer my women with their natural body hair, despite the Dommely pleasure I take in lathering and shaving someone else’s pubic hair.
Of course, once I’ve got my hands on a woman, what I do with her is also normal … for me. Forced orgasms. Flogging. Hot wax and ice. Clamps on nipples, dildos in ass and cunt, and my tongue on her clitoris, all at once.
That’s normal, right?
Inspiring words from the strong, beautiful, and smart Hanne Blank:
Sexual sovereignty: The only crown fit to be worn by the rebel, the outcast, the heretic, the renegade, the in-betweener, the I-don’t-know-and-you-don’t-either, the one who takes their half out of the middle. I also offer you the concept of sovereign identity as a shield, as a form of armor and empowerment.
Read the essay. Damn, that woman can write. And think.
“What looks and feels like love to me would, I promise you, leave you sexually, emotionally, and spiritually traumatized.” –Dan Savage
Earlier this year I started on a new adventure — a romantic and sexual relationship with Siegfried Volsung, my first new vanilla romance in nearly a quarter of a century. My spice thought I was insane for trying; they made suggestions like “Take a masochist to bed with you — you’ll need *someone* to hurt.” But he seemed special — thoughtful, loving, intelligent, unbelievably sexy — and he was willing to try.
For twenty years or so, my chief sexual identity has been as a Domme. The full description is usually “bisexual polyamorous SadoDomme with a dash of masochism.” In my rare forays into bottoming, I always kept control of the scene — it was like having someone scratch my back. (“Down a little and to the right — yes, thanks, that’s it.”) I have said repeatedly that I could never have a vanilla sexual relationship — and that I could never submit to anyone.
I was wrong. At least, I was wrong about the submitting. Because Siegfried himself turns out not to be vanilla, and though we do switch with each other, he’s my Master in most of our scenes, and I’m having a wonderful time exploring the delights of submission.
Don’t worry that the old Lorelei is gone. My primary identification is still Domme; I don’t foresee myself switching with anyone else. It’s very much a scene-based dynamic, not lifestyle; we won’t be doing 24/7. What this is doing for me — aside from giving me great joy and lots of hot scenes — is bringing home the intensity and power of submission. At last I know from the inside what it feels like to be diving. I’m already a better Domme because of it. And I am learning to be his good submissive.
Expect further entries on what I’m learning and how I’m processing this fundamental shift in my sense of who I am, as well as the usual posts about my life as a SadoDomme.
Can someone bi and poly live monogamously? A friend of mine is looking for experiences and viewpoints on the issue now.
I’ve always been bisexual; my first-grade crushes were a girl called Robin and a boy called Stephen. Perhaps because my model of loving relationships wasn’t based on a tight mother-infant bond, but on the looser but no less powerful association of sisters, I was polyamorous before the term was coined.
Nevertheless, I was monogamously involved with my husband from 1984 (when we started dating) until 1999, when we became polyamorous by agreement. (We had been discussing the issue for the whole 15 years). When we met, I was in my mid-20s, and I had been romantically and sexually involved with both men and women. For years.
It is possible for someone innately bi and innately poly to live a monogamous life, but for me the monogamy had certain effects. For one thing, my imagination became completely lesbian. Lesbian sexual dreams, for example. I kept writing lesbian characters into my fiction; I even tried to sneak a lesbian schoolgirl crush into a Regency romance. (It was excised.) I found myself aching for women’s voices, women’s touch. I did of course still get crushes – mostly with women – even though I refused to do anything about them. And I had a few very close friendships with women that did not cross the line.
These days, when I’m sexually active only with a woman, I’m discovering that the same things are occurring in the other direction. I’m having erotic dreams about men. I’ve been craving involvement with a man. So far haven’t had more than an occasional play date, which is not the same thing as having full-out sex with someone. (I’ve stayed fully dressed on these play dates.) Part of me just wants a guy to hold for a long time, part of me wants to fuck a man, part of me wants a guysub.
I’m not sure I am ready for that – I’m still working out the scars of my marriage. But someday I hope I can find a lovely guy, whether for a secondary relationship or to bring into the family as a primary.
Lorelei, your sexual personality is Zeta-ETDN-10.
Your sexual personality is determined by your sexual persona (Zeta), 4 sexual scales (Emotional/Physical, Look/Touch, Daring/Modest, Verbal/Non-verbal), and your libido score (10).
As a Zeta, the high degree of confidence you feel around your sexuality matches your level of experience. Your sexual confidence and awareness are particularly high, but your sex appeal is somewhat lower.
How do we know this? How do we know that you focus more on the emotional than the physical connection with your partner while having sex?
Because while you were taking the test, you answered different kinds of questions — questions that measured what you’re like in bed as well as your sex appeal, sexual confidence and sexual awareness.
Lorelei, your ideal sexual partner was a Type 4…
A Type 4 partner radiates warmth and love. They are affectionate during sex and will rarely shy away from telling you how they feel about you. This is someone you can always rely on to be honest and sincere, since sex is the ultimate expression of their trust in you.
Both physically and emotionally, a Type 4 is a sexual explorer. Orgasm is rarely the driving goal with this person and because of this, they are likely to be creative and able to take you places you may never have expected.