Safety
Violating Consent
Author Lorelei
The Word on Safewords
Author Lorelei
What safewords can and can’t do.
The one time playing as a sub I had to safeword out of a scene, I was not capable of saying the safeword. I wasn’t gagged (in which case it would have been tapping out anyway), but I’d gotten into a psychological space where it was not emotionally possible for me to speak. To get out of it, I had to struggle out of submission and onto solid ground from which I could explain that I was not OK. So instead of gasping, “Red,” I said, clearly and quietly, “We’re going to have to stop now.” My Dom listened, and we worked through the difficulty.
Because the safeword was emotionally linked to submission, saying it would have thrown me right back into that quicksand. Being unable to speak the safeword isn’t unique to me; over the past couple of decades, I’ve seen it happen a number of times. Only once or twice with my own submissives, since I generally don’t rely on safewords. Which isn’t to say I don’t use them at all. I just don’t expect that they will work, and I certainly don’t imagine that my responsibility as a Domme starts with hearing the safeword.
Be Careful Playing
Author Lorelei
I know a number of people who have kidnap fantasies — I do myself, but from the top. (Of course.) But you always have to be prepared for the police to take an interest.
Naked Kidnap Fantasy Has Police Scrambling Thu Feb 20, 8:10 AM ET
EDMONTON, Alberta (Reuters) – Canadian police in a frantic search for an abducted woman dispatched a SWAT team to her home late on Tuesday before officers on a routine patrol across town found her naked and bound in the back of a car.
But police in Edmonton, Alberta, soon realized they had a problem — she did not want to be rescued.
It emerged that the 17-year-old female and a man at the scene were engaged in a role-playing game, but not before the man was arrested and the woman sent to hospital for examination. She was less than co-operative, police said.
“She did answer questions, but she wasn’t very forthcoming with the detectives. They pieced it together that it was some form of fantasy scenario on the part of the people involved,” Edmonton police spokesman Wes Bellmore said on Wednesday.
“It wasn’t so funny for us because we burned up a lot of taxpayers’ money dealing with this.”
The saga began just before midnight on Tuesday when a man called 911. He reported he had been talking on the phone to the woman when she said someone had broken into her house. Then the line went dead.
Police sent a tactical team to the house in west-central Edmonton, because the address had shown up on their records as the site of a previous weapons complaint.
“We had to make sure the suite was cleared by a tactical team in case there were weapons involved. When all was said and done, there were about 10 police units involved in this,” Bellmore said.
About the time the SWAT team determined the home was empty, officers in another part of town found the car in a secluded area by a golf course, with the woman inside bound with tape and her would-be abductor outside the vehicle, he said.
“She was not fully clothed. She was in a state of … she was naked,” Bellmore said.
Police arrested the man, who eventually told investigators that the scenario was consensual. The woman refused to file a complaint.
“As far as our detectives can tell, there was nothing malicious about it,” he said. “We really had nothing else to do except release everybody, probably with a stern warning to be more careful.”
Police said they did not believe the man who called 911 had been aware of the nature of the events.
Live Nude Safety Notes
Author Lorelei
It had been ages since I had a chance to play with a boy. It’s been only twice in the past three years, both times co-Topping a seriously masochistic guysub who belonged to a friend. Somehow that’s different, though. Karen assisted me in various ways. Very satisfying. If you heard reports of unidentified screams, moans, thuds, and mad cackles of glee, now you know why.
My friend was a lovely guy, deeply responsive to pain and pleasure. I like that a lot. Excellent first scene, and I’m hoping to play with him again sometime. An ongoing Domme/sub relationship is not in the cards, but a deeper friendship certainly seems to be.
I was really pleased to see that he had set up a safe call. If ever one was unnecessary, you’d think this would be the time: we’re both well known in the scene, we have a lot of friends in common, we’ve known each other (online and off) for nearly a decade, we’ve had non-play dinners together, and we both have excellent reputations as safe, careful players. BUT — this was a first play date, and a safe call is an essential precaution. It’s good to know that your play partner holds to the basic safety rules.
So many guysubs think they’re invulnerable, or that a girl couldn’t really hurt them. Well, when a woman has you tied up and holds a knife to your cock, it doesn’t matter that you’re ten inches taller than she is, or that you have a black belt in karate. What matters is that you can’t move and she has a weapon. Of course, when I do that I’m just having fun, but how the hell does a stranger know that my idea of fun doesn’t extend to castration?