BDSM: The Kink
The Spanking Mermaid
Author Lorelei
A good friend of mine recommends (metaphorical) codslapping as a way of dealing with male chauvinists, clueless fools, and others who would benefit from the impact of a large, cold, wet fish in the face. This mermaid takes a more fundamental approach, but it’s the same idea.
She looks just like me, assuming I were thinner and had a visible mermaid’s tail. Definitely the same expression.
This fabulous image is from the brilliant cartoonist HOB. You can see (and buy!) his work in person in the dealers room at FOGcon, March 11-13, 2011, in San Francisco, CA. FOGcon is a new speculative fiction convention featuring panels, writing workshops, book signings, readings, parties, free food, and more good conversation per square yard than almost any other venue in San Francisco. Yes, I will be there.
Leslie Feinberg and the Problem of Family
Author Lorelei
Reposted from Questioning Transphobia
Hermaphroditus Intersex
Author Lorelei
Hermaphroditus_intersex
Originally uploaded by enfemmetv
I don’t know where this statue is, or if it’s just great Photoshopping. Whichever, I thank enfemmetv for allowing people to share the photo.
The Official Poly Lovers’ Gift List
Author Lorelei
Each year the Polyarchy — the secret cabal of experts who rule the sexual underground — tries to simplify the lives of up-to-date polyfolk by designing new relationship agreements and requirements, determining what behavior is healthy and what is unhealthy, and setting appropriate and unbreakable boundaries for consensually non-monogamous behavior. Next year’s rules will differ, but, as you know, times change, and last year’s avant-garde is next year’s obsolete.
Under the influence of Mad Men and their bibulous ways, 2010 has been declared the Year of the Beverage. Check this list for the appropriate gift given the length, intensity, and health of the relationship.
One hour to 6 days: glass bottle of sparkling water (plastic is verboten, as it shows minimal environmental sensitivity; warm temperature is acceptable, especially if you enjoy watching seltzer explode all over your partner). Providing a glass and ice cubes shows a willingness to extend the relationship, but a slice of lemon may seem too pushy.
1 week to 20 days: Liter bottle of sparkling water, preferably in cobalt-blue glass. Must be chilled but not frozen. Splitting it by way of two straws shows an arch playfulness masking greed and cheapness.
3 weeks to 6 weeks: Beer by the glass or six-pack is the best choice for this difficult interim period. Microbrews indicate hipness, and many carry amusingly weird names that can send a message to the recipient — the alcoholic version of conversation hearts. Expect knowing smiles in return for Polygamy Porter, and snarled recriminations from Arrogant Bastard or Buttface Amber Ale. When you want to give your beloved a sexual hint, try Golden Shower or In Heat Wheat. Colt 45 is widely considered a preface to restraining orders.
6 weeks to 6 months: Low-priced wine or soda may replace the beer. Two-Buck Chuck indicates a casual relationship. Chardonnay and White Zinfandel reveal shallow, status-based relationships with people whose internal clock stopped sometime during the Reagan era. An Australian Petit Syrah invites the recipient to “climb into my pouch,” or move in. Wine from the former Yugoslavia is an excellent choice, as nobody knows whether it’s supposed to be good or bad. Choosing soda indicates that you and/or your partner are alcoholics, on probation, or jailbait. Embracing the “and” in this situation could become messy.
Beyond 6 months: Casual relationships demand consumables: Blended scotch, martinis, schnapps, liqueurs, and flavored vodkas all come into play. Expense and bottle size indicate the giver’s intentions. A half-pint flask of Popov vodka or Old Crow predicts a brief and regrettable relationship. Gallon jugs of gin, Long Island Iced Tea, or spiced rum promise longer but stormy entanglements.
Secondary partners should be given barware, such as crystal glasses, cocktail shakers, and decanters, all of which must be smashed or returned when the secondary becomes too demanding. Primary partners may be given top-shelf liquors such as 40-year-old single-malt scotch, but only if they promise to share.
Special for the Hot Bi Babe you made a pass at: Unicorn Winery’s Slightly Embarrassed for a failed pass, Traminette for a successful one.
We hope this list will make your holiday shopping simpler. Why worry about your individual partners’ needs, tastes, and interests, when you can consult this handy gift guide?
Incidentally, Mistress Lorelei is always open to gifts of good single-malt Scotch, aged Wild Turkey, and such fine liqueurs as Chambord, Creme Yvette Violet Liqueur, and Bailey’s Irish Cream.
Fat Sex Survey
Author Lorelei
From the smart and sexy Hanne Blank:
From my cat-strewn office, high above the steaming jungles of Baltimore, I bring good tidings!
I’m writing a new Big Big Love! Ten Speed Press has asked me to do so, and they’ll be bringing it out in 2011 sometime. As some of you know, the original BBL has been out of print for a while, and in any event, it’s 10 years old now — how time does zoom along! — so it’s a great time for a ground-up makeover of the whole shebang.
That’s where y’all come in. As I did for the first Big Big Love, I’m eager to have as many diverse reflections of the sexual experiences of fat people and those who desire them in the book as I can get. I’m also keen to represent the real lived experiences of people of all sizes of large. So, just as I did for the first one, I’m asking as many people as possible to fill out a survey.
Last time, I did the survey via e-mail. This time, we’re doing it on the Intertubes!
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/BBL2010survey
It’s a fairly lengthy survey, for which I apologize, but since there are really no other good sources for information on sexuality and fatness, I beg your indulgence and your assistance. And since there are no better sources anywhere for this kind of information than you lovely people your own wonderful selves, I do hope you’ll take the survey if you feel it applies to you and that you will pass it on to your friends and your loved ones so they can take it too.
Good News!
Author Lorelei
Federal judge: Gay marriage ban unconstitutional.
Later I’ll post analysis. Now — well, now I am rejoicing.
Celebrate Harvey Milk Day
Author Lorelei
Happy birthday, dear Harvey Milk. You still give us hope.
I am celebrating with tickets to Mollena‘s one-woman show, 69Stories. Not only is she a brilliant writer/performer, she is the 2010 International Ms. Leather.
Go forth and be as queer, as flamboyant, as unique as you are. Harvey Milk died for your right to be queer. For too many of us, the alternative was staying home and the slow, stifling suicide of the closet, or the faster death of addictions or the razor. But some of us came to San Francisco where we could be out and proud: freaky, passionate, kinky, and accepted.
Savagely Average and Other Kinks
Author Lorelei
Is there such a thing as a normal woman fetish?
Sadly, my unending lust for women in their natural state is in fact considered a special interest now, if not exactly a fetish. By “natural state” I don’t mean naked, although naked is good. I mean that their noses, lips, breasts, bellies, and pussies haven’t been sliced, suctioned, trimmed, stuffed, and otherwise remodeled by a plastic surgeon. I also prefer my women with their natural body hair, despite the Dommely pleasure I take in lathering and shaving someone else’s pubic hair.
Of course, once I’ve got my hands on a woman, what I do with her is also normal … for me. Forced orgasms. Flogging. Hot wax and ice. Clamps on nipples, dildos in ass and cunt, and my tongue on her clitoris, all at once.
That’s normal, right?
Geek Sex and Vice Versa
Author Lorelei
Definition: A geek is a person who cares as much or more for facts, gadgets, books, or ideas as for people. Zie may display knowledge the way others show off pictures of their grandchildren: as a way of sharing what zie most values in order to create a connection.
Unsuccessful geek social interaction:
Geek: Look at this attractive lump of knowledge! Nongeek: Who cares?
Successful geek social interaction:
Geek 1: Look at this attractive lump of knowledge! Geek 2: It is indeed attractive, as is this thematically related factoid!
This may go on to the next stage.
Geek 1: I am not familiar with that factoid, but I find the thematic relationship most satisfactory. Geek 2: Perhaps you are familiar with this inaccurate yet intriguing story. Geek 1: Yes, and I can explain how the inaccuracy was propagated. Geek 2: Would you like to have sex? Geek 1: Under certain conditions, yes. Could you be more specific? Geek 2: In privacy, without most or all clothing, using appropriate contraceptive and safety measures, and perhaps introducing certain specialized equipment and attitudes. Geek 1: Having read your blog, I am aware of the types of equipment and attitudes you prefer during sex. However, I am not entirely sure whether your chosen conditions include me. Geek 2: On this occasion they do. Geek 1: Let us have sex, then.
[They depart]
Seriously, the “geek flirt” is defined as a straight proposition. “I’d like to have sex with you.” It works quite often, and nobody needs to worry about social subtleties. Also, “No, thanks” is an acceptable answer.
You may notice a certain similarity to BDSM negotiation here. In my experience, the BDSM world and the geek world overlap to a great extent. Many BDSMers can be classified as sex geeks. (Classifying is a profoundly geeky activity.) Certainly not all sex geeks are into power or pain, but let’s face it, BDSMers have cool toys, and those always attract geeks.
Our fascination with the kink isn’t limited to doing it or having it done to us. We also love the tools and techniques of BDSM. This is why Dom/mes bond over looking at each other’s toyboxes. Showing off your toys is not primarily a dominance display, although it can have that function. Mostly it’s a way to start a conversation. This is how we connect with each other.
Dom/me 1: Look at this flogger. Heartwood. Dom/me 2: She was the best, although Metz made some great stuff too.
Sound familiar?