Kink in Popular Culture
BDSM and Critical Theory
Author Lorelei
Ball-Busting Women in Mainstream Movies
Author Lorelei
Once in a while I need to let out my inner complete sadistic bitch. This fun compilation of ball-busting scenes is two minutes of nasty fun for me. Any male who isn’t a masochist — and some who are — will cross his legs and turn green by the 30-second mark. And yeah, I get off on that, too.
I note that the compilers did not include the scene from Jumping Jack Flash in which Whoopi Goldberg sinks her teeth into John Wood’s package. But you can’t have everything.
The Dread Passion of Cthulhu
Author Lorelei
Is it coincidence? Is it Fate? Is it my mermaid icon? Is it some nameless, hideous, wholly alien Being from beyond the stars, the mere contemplation of which drives the thinker into the squamous depths of madness?
Is it just that I got lost last summer in Providence, Rhode Island, home of H. P. Lovecraft? Or have the Great Old Ones noticed I play Arkham Horror?
Today we have multiple announcements that suggest the Elder Gods may be coming back, or at least getting more sex than they used to. Maybe it’s all the Viagra in the water.
1. Download a free ebook of all Lovecraft’s original stories. The blog post is fascinating, too. Not actually sex, although the name “Love” “Craft” has a certain resonance.
2. My good friend Molly Mounds at Scary Sextoy Friday features a matching butt-plug and ball-gag set so terrifying that I may never recover my reason. Yes, they’re shaped like offspring of the Elder Gods. Tentacles and all.
3. The estimable Cecilia Tan issued a call for submissions for an anthology titled Whispers in Darkness: Lovecraftian Erotica. I am so tempted by this; it’s a challenge to write something both Lovecraftian and consensually erotic, but I bet the stories that get in will be very hot indeed. (This is Circlet Press, after all. Their publications are always good.)
Mistress Lorelei is not an aficionado of tentacle porn, although she holds its originator in very high regard: Hokusai, the great Japanese artist whose iconic work may be The Great Wave. Certainly The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife is a fascinating image. But my sexual taste is, shall we say, fairly specialized, and the squid I like in bed with me is the kind that’s a small, stingy, rubbery flogger, ideal for use on nipples and balls.
As for the squid-like butt-plug and ball-gag set, that kink is OK. I’m sure the makers and users don’t grudge me my fish hooks, even if none of them actually want a barbed hook to pierce their glans. A siren has to have her fun, after all.
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The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife by Hokusai
Hokusai’s The Great Wave
Valentine’s Day and Lupercalia
Author Lorelei
Quiz:
Valentine’s Day is:
- a commemoration of the martyrdom of a Roman whom the Catholic Church removed from the calendar of saints in 1969
- a commercialized festival celebrating a romantic love so profoundly stereotyped that it practically qualifies as a fetish
- a leftover of pagan fertility rituals such as Lupercalia, during which naked celebrants whipped each other into a passion
- a day to throw money away on bad chocolate and scentless roses
- a heteronormative consumerist festival that does for real love what commercial Christmas celebrations do for Jesus
- also known as S.A.D., Singles Awareness Day
- being ruined, ruined I tell you, by cynics like Mistress Lorelei
- a good idea, if only to break up the misery of February
- all of the above
I seriously dislike the schmaltzy commercial aspects of Valentine’s Day, but I’m a sentimentalist at heart, and I think celebrating love is a good idea. Especially in February, which is in many places a month of dreary skies and icy roads.
However, I am also thoroughly in favor of Lupercalia: a festival of purification by whipping, stimulating fertility by whipping, and relieving the misery of mid-February by whipping. Even if you’re not feeling especially impure, a good flogging can get your juices flowing. Also, the fertility stimulated can be creative and symbolic, not necessarily reproductive.
So embrace the power of “and.” Go forth and celebrate Lupercalia. Spank one another, or use leather straps, which are more authentic. Break out the goatskin flogger and the ancient Roman recipes. Then honor the modern Western holiday by having some good chocolate and champagne.
The Official Poly Lovers’ Gift List
Author Lorelei
Each year the Polyarchy — the secret cabal of experts who rule the sexual underground — tries to simplify the lives of up-to-date polyfolk by designing new relationship agreements and requirements, determining what behavior is healthy and what is unhealthy, and setting appropriate and unbreakable boundaries for consensually non-monogamous behavior. Next year’s rules will differ, but, as you know, times change, and last year’s avant-garde is next year’s obsolete.
Under the influence of Mad Men and their bibulous ways, 2010 has been declared the Year of the Beverage. Check this list for the appropriate gift given the length, intensity, and health of the relationship.
One hour to 6 days: glass bottle of sparkling water (plastic is verboten, as it shows minimal environmental sensitivity; warm temperature is acceptable, especially if you enjoy watching seltzer explode all over your partner). Providing a glass and ice cubes shows a willingness to extend the relationship, but a slice of lemon may seem too pushy.
1 week to 20 days: Liter bottle of sparkling water, preferably in cobalt-blue glass. Must be chilled but not frozen. Splitting it by way of two straws shows an arch playfulness masking greed and cheapness.
3 weeks to 6 weeks: Beer by the glass or six-pack is the best choice for this difficult interim period. Microbrews indicate hipness, and many carry amusingly weird names that can send a message to the recipient — the alcoholic version of conversation hearts. Expect knowing smiles in return for Polygamy Porter, and snarled recriminations from Arrogant Bastard or Buttface Amber Ale. When you want to give your beloved a sexual hint, try Golden Shower or In Heat Wheat. Colt 45 is widely considered a preface to restraining orders.
6 weeks to 6 months: Low-priced wine or soda may replace the beer. Two-Buck Chuck indicates a casual relationship. Chardonnay and White Zinfandel reveal shallow, status-based relationships with people whose internal clock stopped sometime during the Reagan era. An Australian Petit Syrah invites the recipient to “climb into my pouch,” or move in. Wine from the former Yugoslavia is an excellent choice, as nobody knows whether it’s supposed to be good or bad. Choosing soda indicates that you and/or your partner are alcoholics, on probation, or jailbait. Embracing the “and” in this situation could become messy.
Beyond 6 months: Casual relationships demand consumables: Blended scotch, martinis, schnapps, liqueurs, and flavored vodkas all come into play. Expense and bottle size indicate the giver’s intentions. A half-pint flask of Popov vodka or Old Crow predicts a brief and regrettable relationship. Gallon jugs of gin, Long Island Iced Tea, or spiced rum promise longer but stormy entanglements.
Secondary partners should be given barware, such as crystal glasses, cocktail shakers, and decanters, all of which must be smashed or returned when the secondary becomes too demanding. Primary partners may be given top-shelf liquors such as 40-year-old single-malt scotch, but only if they promise to share.
Special for the Hot Bi Babe you made a pass at: Unicorn Winery’s Slightly Embarrassed for a failed pass, Traminette for a successful one.
We hope this list will make your holiday shopping simpler. Why worry about your individual partners’ needs, tastes, and interests, when you can consult this handy gift guide?
Incidentally, Mistress Lorelei is always open to gifts of good single-malt Scotch, aged Wild Turkey, and such fine liqueurs as Chambord, Creme Yvette Violet Liqueur, and Bailey’s Irish Cream.
Kinky Lyrics
Author Lorelei
I love Tori Amos anyway, but have you read her lyrics? Check out the song called “Leather,” from Little Earthquakes. Mmmm, yes.
Look I’m standing naked before you Don’t you want more than my sex I can scream as loud as your last one But I can’t claim innocence