Do Dommes ever have regular intercourse? Do they do fellatio? These seem kind of undignified, maybe even subby.

Honey, Dommes do what we damned well please, and we don’t worry what someone else thinks of our pleasures. Yes, I personally love fellatio. I also bite.

Many people consider receiving penetration to be somehow an intrinsically submissive act. They see penetration as invasive, controlling. Sure, it can be. When I’m wearing a strap-on, you’d better believe that with every thrust, I am taking, using, claiming my partner from the inside out. (The plentiful use of lube makes this a much happier process for all concerned. I don’t confuse discomfort with dominance.) GuyDoms may also have similar feelings when they’re fucking a sub’s mouth, pussy, or ass. And during a fisting, I am filling my partner in one of the most powerful and intimate acts possible to human beings.

Nevertheless, I’ve never felt a contradiction between dominance and receiving penetrative sex. I love penetrative sex of all varieties. When I’m being fucked, I don’t feel invaded or surrendered to my lover. I feel voracious, engulfing, then I feel incredibly well-filled and satisfied. My partner and his cock (or her strap-on) are at my service, providing the sensations I desire.

My pleasure in engulfing extends to oral sex. Given the fact that I have teeth, I just can’t see performing fellatio as a subservient activity. How can it be? I’m controlling my partner’s cock with my mouth. I get to nibble, suck, tease, torment, and arouse him, not to mention bite. I do it for my own primitive pleasure in the taste and feel of a cock in my mouth — but also for the sadistic joys of inflicting pleasure. A touch of pain, a touch of fear, an overload of frustration, all the unpredictable sensations I choose to bestow.

Of course, one of my pleasures in fellatio is simultaneously fucking the guysub’s ass, with lubed fingers or a toy. It’s even better if I have him gagged, so his mouth is also claimed.

Imagine yourself tied on your back, knees up so your sweet shy butthole is accessible to my probing fingers. All you can do is lie there exposed, naked, awaiting my will — you can’t move, can’t hide. It’s so easy for me to squeeze your balls, trail a fingernail along the sensitive perineum, or twist your scrotum while I lick and chew and suck. And there is nothing you can do about it except moan.

Feel the rhythm, counterpoint, and syncopation of my mouth and hand, filling your ass and swallowing your cock, building up the tension, bringing you close to the edge, withdrawing everything for a near-catastrophic moment, then filling and embracing you again.

Do you feel in charge? Or do you feel ravished?

Tips for Great Oral Sex

My Master wants me to go down on him, but I have a real terror of oral sex. I had some bad experiences. Can you help? I don’t want to be rebellious, but this is really hard for me.

First and most important, your submission and obedience can be just as well expressed with a dry kiss to the glans — or the hand — as in sword-swallowing. As a Domme, what I value is a submissive’s gift of who s/he is, and I don’t demand that someone fit themselves to an impossible standard of Perfect Subbiness — more like plastic subbiness, when you think of it. Your gift of yourself is precious enough without fellatio.

You may never be able to handle fellatio, but, speaking as a Domme, I’d be enormously touched and pleased if you were able to try a little, as much for your own sake as for mine. I wouldn’t expect you to turn into Linda Lovelace overnight. Nor would I be disappointed in you if you couldn’t overcome the block. Not the greatest Domme nor the most obedient submissive can heal all the past with a touch. If your Dom would be satisfied by nothing less than a savage oral rape-style scene, that could be a serious problem, but the problem would be with his unrealistic demands, not with you. A good and loving Dom/me wouldn’t knowingly push you there unless and until you’re ready.

I can’t address the deep psychological issues; in my experience, you need to work those through with a good therapist. And I do recommend that you do so. Obviously there’s a lot of hurt here, and I hate to think of you in such pain.

What I can help with is a practical desensitization exercise. Buy a realistic dildo, the kind with glans and balls and veins. They come in various amusing jelly colors as well as a couple of not-terribly-realistic skin tones; I recommend the jellies because they feel uncannily like the real thing. They also come in a range of sizes from average, real-world-guy to “boy, do you have a future in porn movies.” Choose a small one. (In fact, you might want to start with a tiny dildo — maybe a new, slender, mini buttplug.) Wash it well; they taste kind of funny. If you like, smear it with something tasty: honey, whipped cream, chocolate sauce. Then practice on it. Start gently and slowly. Lick and suck it, and stop whenever things get nasty. Then when you feel good again, start up again. Take it slowly, but practice often, and you’ll be amazed how soon you can slide the whole thing in.

If you keep it up, I bet you’ll learn to deal with the feel of having a cock in your mouth, or even just licking it. You’ll learn to associate it with pleasure and control, instead of misery and helplessness. I came up with this as a technique to teach a lesbian friend how to suck cock, a skill she needed when she started subbing to a man. It’s also useful for learning how to deep-throat.

Though this is not how I overcame them, I myself have had some serious issues with foreign objects in my mouth. Dear old Daddy orally raped me when I was a toddler, so I’ve always had a very sensitive gag reflex (I gag on my own toothbrush sometimes), and I used to come out of a painless, no-cavities dental exam sobbing uncontrollably. Yet I love fellatio, and I can do it, too. Luckily one of my early lovers was willing to let me approach his cock at my own pace and style, so I was able to do the desensitization using a live cock. (Thanks, Jason.) I learned that he wouldn’t hurt me, force me, or push me into a difficult place. Since then I’ve had no problems with cocks. I still have the gag reflex. It just doesn’t operate when I’m sucking cock.

Other fellatio tips:

• Breathe through your nose, and it cuts down the gagging considerably.
• Relax your tongue, even move it a bit forward, and you can take him much deeper.
• To control the depth to which he’s going in your mouth, wrap one hand (or both, if needed) around his cock, as far back from the head as you want to let him in. That way his whole cock is being stimulated, and you only have to take in as much as you want. To give him that all-over wet feel, you can lick him all over first, or lube him with a flavored lube.
• In my experience, if a guy has a nice wide fat cock, he can be harder to go down on. My back teeth get in the way, since I have a small mouth. Which is not a problem if he’s a sub. A longer cock is actually less trouble, because you can use your hands too.
• If you have a hand free, try enhancing the experience with playing with his balls or penetrating his ass.
• And as long as we’re talking cockplay (which I do love), using lube before a handjob makes it a much more rewarding experience.
• Another nice handjob trick is to change the normal in-and-out motion. Instead of rubbing down the length of the cock and then changing direction, use both hands alternately to rub in one direction for a while, so he’ll feel like he’s just going deeper and deeper and deeper, and then switch directions. (You really need lube for this.) I dunno if it works just because it feels good, or because it makes him feel like his cock is about a yard long.
• Farm girls will also know that milking is a wonderful technique to use on a cock. Grasp the cock with your whole hand, but instead of wrapping your thumb around, turn it downward, running parallel to the cock and pressing into it. Instead of yanking on the cock, stimulate it by pressing your fingers in waves. Very nice.

Usually I’m more likely to post about CBT. I hope everybody’s not too unbearably surprised that I know how to play nicely with those luscious organs.